Lesson 2 showed the importance of friendship to your marital and parenting relationship. Lesson 3 helps you identify ways you build or withdraw from your relationship. Without a healthy relationship account, you will not be ready to deal with the stresses of parenting. This is vital.
Most couples start off marriage with lots of credit in their relationship account. They have been depositing a lot because most of their responses to their spouse’s approaches have been positive. But with beginning their life together, there are the inevitable irritations. Some of their approaches have been ignored and some have been rebuffed. What they do about those withdrawals will have a strong impact on the health of their relationship. Adding the complications of a pregnancy and delivery and then infancy, those withdrawals usually increase.
This lesson will explain more about what happens in approaches for connection and the responses we get. Masters have learned the importance of connections, how to make connections, and what to do when the connections are not made.
The next part of this assignment is to understand Relationship Disconnects. Read “Relationship Disconnects.” In the next lesson we will talk more about expressing our needs and desires and get some practice in these skills.
Zach Brittle explains why you want to learn to turn towards your spouse. He explains more about why you may be missing your spouse’s bids. Take the time to consider his questions at the end to evaluate your own ability to approach and respond to your partner. Read: “Zach Brittle- Turn Towards.”
This week practice turning towards your spouse. Be sure to let your spouse know they are doing a good job of noticing and responding positively to your bids for connection. When you miss an approach or reject an approach, take time to talk about what happened. Apologize and find a way to connect again. When your spouse misses it, don’t criticize or withdraw from them. Find a time to discuss what happened and show compassion. Sometime soon, you’ll need their compassion when you miss a bid.
Take some time to use the Gottman card deck, “Love Maps”
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